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Unfortunate divorce

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Curtis762
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Re: Unfortunate divorce

#16 Post by Curtis762 » Tue Oct 15, 2019 6:23 pm

Good blessing Remus. Remember to keep the ''what if's" out of your mind and know that however it turns out, you'll get through it. I did. I went through a marriage that got pretty bad through the divorce, I was an a$$ myself sometimes during it too, and I regretting doing that because it won't matter after it's settled. Just move on and enjoy the time with your kid. I too have a kid, so I know this through experience. You're going to have good days and bad, but that's just life, we deal with it. Most of the post on here are spot on when it comes to what to do. I can't add much to that. Keep your cool, keep any talk about her away from your kid (don't talk bad), keep yourself busy and use this time to try new things you wouldn't have normally done before. Go experience some life, don't let life stop. I've been divorced for around 9 years, I think, I can't even remember anymore. My ex and I can talk better now than ever before, but that's about it. We do have a child together and it makes the process much easier, we were just better friends than partners. As far as dating after that, TAKE YOUR TIME! Don't get caught up in the social media perfect world of relationships, it doesn't exist and this friend of yours, be cautious, you need some time alone for this moment. Don't jump from the fire into the frying pan, if you know what I mean. I've dated on and off since my divorce and almost got married again. Out of the ones I've dated, I'm glad I didn't end up with them in marriage. I'm still single and I'm okay with it. I'm doing the things I enjoy doing. This will take time for you, so don't force it or try to make it happen on your time, just respond the best way you can to anything that happens going forward. I asked my grandfather, who lived to be 96, what advice about life he would give everyone. I was expecting a deep thought out response. All he said was " Put the good in front and the bad behind". simple and effective words to live by. One more thing, don't expect anything, I've learned that too. Just take what you get and go with it, don't make excuses, make progress.

sowbelle
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Re: Unfortunate divorce

#17 Post by sowbelle » Tue Oct 15, 2019 9:18 pm

Curtis, your grandfather was a smart man

Curtis762
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Re: Unfortunate divorce

#18 Post by Curtis762 » Wed Oct 16, 2019 8:45 pm

Let us know how your doing Remus. We may be miles apart, but we all have something in common, we enjoy the same things and some of us have been through the tough time like yourself. I'm hopeful that things turned out good for you today, either way, always remember, one step at a time.

sowbelle: My grandfather was a great man. He was something I've never seen in any other person. Words can't put how he was. He was the greatest Gentleman, a true gentleman, not one of today's thinking but one of strength and compassion. I wish I could find better words to describe. He was a Godly man and I never once saw him deviate from that, never heard a bad word, or even talked bad about someone else. I didn't deserve to have him as my grandfather but I was graced with him in my life.

LouisCali
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Re: Unfortunate divorce

#19 Post by LouisCali » Tue Nov 05, 2019 7:18 pm

Being one of two children of a divorced family what made it easier were the parents getting along, as much as divorced or soon to be divorced couples can be, and not using us as a tool against each other.

I didn't think it at the time, but others may make the connection, but the kid is half you and half the mother, if you talk about or make it known how much you hate the mother, the kid might take it as you hating half of what they are.
And honestly, I would not have enjoyed being at either house if any time was spent trash talking the other, what I wanted was for things to be normal and still doing things as a family, albeit with just the one parent at a time.

As for what to say for a girl I'm not sure, it's likely the same, but what helped me was both parents being supportive and reassuring that they still loved me.

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